Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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