dude i'm inner monologue high
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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