There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
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It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
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All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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