also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize