last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
