I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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