I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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