if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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