dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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