I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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