Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
