Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
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Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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