I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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