Moan for me like Helen Keller
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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