she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
