I wish I could teleport
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
