Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Randomize
