You're earring is so big in my mouth
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
