its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
