I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
