Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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