Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
