I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
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