My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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