So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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