I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
