I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
