Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
