I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
