I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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