I puked a lego.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
