Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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