pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
