Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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