apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
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That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
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We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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