brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
