I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
