So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
