i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
