How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
