I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
