Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
