We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize