So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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