listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
my shit smells like andre
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
40s are totally the cure
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
