Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
