make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
