If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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