Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
