i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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