how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
