I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
