I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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