We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
