Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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