Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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