i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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