New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
This baby is an asshole
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
