My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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