I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
