dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
