Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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