Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
These tits shall not be calmed
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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