Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
