yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
