Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We had to coat check the pizza.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
