after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
