Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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