i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
