Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
