Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
