The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
