he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
