The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize