you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
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You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
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Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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